March
26, 2004 | Diehard fans of Clerks, Dogma and Chasing Amy
likely will be disappointed, if not pained, by the sentimental hokum
of Jersey Girl, an atypically sappy effort by the normally smart-alecky
Kevin Smith. Trouble is, dedicated non-fans of the maverick indie filmmaker
won't be terribly impressed, either. Despite Smith's strenuous attempts
to lift spirits and yank heartstrings, Jersey Girl resembles
nothing so much as "a very special episode" of a routine TV
sitcom.
The
movie may merit at least a footnote in film history for being the second
- and, presumably, last - on-screen pairing of Ben Affleck and Jennifer
Lopez. (Feel free to insert your own Gigli joke here.) But be
forewarned: As Gertrude, the loving wife of hotshot Manhattan music
publicist Ollie Trinke (Affleck), Lopez barely makes it to the 12-minute
mark before her character dies during childbirth. The tragedy leaves
Ollie distraught, distressed - and, evidently, too traumatized to ever
fully grasp the rudiments of changing diapers.
Does
Ollie hire a live-in housekeeper, or at least a part-time babysitter?
No way: This is the kind of shamelessly contrived comedy in which seemingly
smart people must repeatedly do dumb things to keep the plot from grinding
to a complete halt.
Ollie
and his daughter - named Gertie, after her late mother - move to Highlands,
N.J., so they can live with Bart (George Carlin), Ollie's widowed dad,
who's employed by the local public works department. Time and again,
Ollie leaves Gertie in Bart's care while he commutes to his Manhattan
office. Eventually, Bart rebels against this imposition - after all,
he does have his own job to handle - so, naturally, he picks the day
of an important publicity event to leave Ollie literally holding the
baby.
The
stressed-for-success publicist buckles under the pressure of caring
for a bawling infant while entertaining a Hard Rock Cafe-full of impatient
reporters. So he snaps at the press, makes a rude comment about his
tardy client - Will Smith, no less - and instantly earns living-legend
status for doing what publicists usually only dream of doing. But that
status doesn't save him from being canned for his impolitic outburst.
Years
pass. Because of his notoriety, Ollie can't find employment as a publicist
in Manhattan - or even in New Jersey, apparently - so he's stuck in
a dead-end job alongside his father while trying to be a devoted dad
for 8-year-old Gertie (Raquel Castro). He's too hung up on his late
wife to seek any semblance of a love life - but only until he meets
a perky video-store clerk (Liv Tyler).
Jersey
Girl begins to build toward its predictably schmaltzy climax when
Ollie finally lands a job interview with a Manhattan publicity agency.
Unfortunately, the interview just happens to be scheduled for the very
afternoon of the big musical revue at Gertie's school. But wait, there's
more: Gertie insists that she doesn't want to live in Manhattan, that
she wants to stay in the working-class New Jersey suburb, because she's
used to life in the slow lane, far away from big-city hustle and bustle.
Which,
of course, means that Ollie must choose between lunging at a once-in-a-lifetime
chance to return to the work he loves - and would be extremely well-paid
for - and remaining in Highlands as a public works employee because
that's what his 8-year-old daughter wants. Never mind that, all things
considered, Ollie might be a much happier and more fulfilled human being
(and, not incidentally, might be able to better provide for his daughter)
if he didn't settle for a life of diminished expectations. In an audience-pandering
movie such as Jersey Girl, there's only one logical solution
to Ollie's bogus moral dilemma: He must bow to his little girl's whim
of iron.