December 8, 2000<\/b> | In the rarified genre of movies based on board games, Dungeons and Dragons<\/i> distinguishes itself by being much funnier than Clue<\/i> (1985), a nominal comedy. Unfortunately, the humor is mostly inadvertent – you laugh at, not with, this misbegotten enterprise – and practically nonexistent during scenes that are intended as comic relief.<\/p>\n
A singularly dopey gumbo of derivative fantasy-adventure, Middle Ages production design and transparently fake CGI trickery, D&D<\/i> suggests what might have resulted if, somewhere between Bride of the Monster<\/i> and Plan 9 From Outer Space<\/i>, the spectacularly untalented Edward D. Wood had miraculously obtained better actors and a bigger budget, and set out to film Lord of the Rings<\/i>.<\/p>\n
Screenwriters Toper Lilien and Carroll Cartwright have labored mightily, though none too imaginatively, to expand the basics of the board-game mythos into a feature-length scenario. Their plot is set in and around the mythical realm of Izmer, a land ruled by an oligarchy of wizardly folks known as Mages. The beautiful young Empress Savina (Thora Birch, in a performance of career-stalling ineptitude) wants to dissolve the boundaries between Mages and commoners, to institute a true democracy. But her grand plans are impeded by the evil Profion (Jeremy Irons), a haughty Mage with a vested interest in preserving the status quo.<\/p>\n
During the opening minutes, as Irons makes his grand entrance by sweeping down castle stairs like Bela Lugosi on amphetamines, first-time director Courtney Solomon dangles the false promise of high-camp hilarity. Irons thoroughly enjoys his own honey-baked hamminess, and it’s easy to share his amusement as he rants and raves in a sandpapered roar that sounds like bad plumbing. Unfortunately, he isn’t on camera often enough to help matters very much.<\/p>\n
Profion and (mercifully) Empress Savina remain on the sidelines for long stretches while D&D focuses on the heroic quest of Ridley Freeborn (Justin Whalin), a resourceful thief who’s bent on finding an ancient dragon-controlling scepter that could help the empress keep Profion in his place.<\/p>\n
Whalin plays Ridley with all the smirky hunkiness that twentysomething actors customarily evidence in teen-skewing shows on The WB. Even so, Whalin is far less grating than Marlon Wayans, whose embarrassingly buffoonish portrayal of Snails, Ridley’s sidekick, puts one in mind of a medieval Stepin Fetchit. Pressed into an ill-planned robbery by his buddy, Snails wails: “I got a new name for dumb – Ridley. This is the Ridleyest thing I’ve ever heard of!” Memo to Wayans: Don’t be surprised if your work here is excerpted for use by Spike Lee in Bamboozled II<\/i>.<\/p>\n
Ridley and Snails are joined on their mission by Elwood Gutworthy (Lee Arenberg), a surly dwarf; Norda (Kristen Wilson), a plucky elf; and Marina Pretensa (Zoe McLellan), a novice Mage who’s kinda-sorta easy on the eyes. These good guys are pursued by an extremely bad guy, Damodar (Bruce Payne), a burly Mr. Clean lookalike who wears iridescent lipstick that changes color from scene to scene. The story ends back in Izmer, where hordes of chintzy-looking flying dragons blacken the sky in an obvious preview of the upcoming video-game spin-off. It is, quite simply, the Ridleyest thing you’ll see at the movies this year.<\/p>\n
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